2-Minute Read
The weight you carry that doesn’t show up on a CV
Why “having it all” can feel suspiciously like carrying it all.
If you’ve ever sat in your car at the end of the day, hands still on the wheel, thinking, Why am I this tired? I barely stopped moving but somehow got nothing finished, this is for you.
Because you didn’t just do meetings.
You absorbed tension in the room when two senior people were quietly at war.
You made decisions without enough information and still had to sound confident.
You noticed who was wobbling, who was disengaged, who needed reassurance, and who needed challenge.
You kept the wheels on while pretending it was all perfectly manageable.
That’s the invisible load of leadership.
Emotional load. Decision fatigue. Loneliness.
And it’s a lot.
I see this all the time in my coaching with senior women.
On paper, they’re brilliant. Capable, respected, high-performing.
But underneath that, there’s often a private thought that sounds something like: Why does this feel so heavy when I’m meant to be good at it by now?
The part nobody says out loud
One of the biggest misconceptions about leadership is that the higher up you go, the easier it gets to carry. It doesn’t.
In many ways, it gets quieter and heavier.
There are fewer places to put your uncertainty.
Fewer people you can be fully honest with.
More decisions that land with you.
More pressure to be calm, kind, strategic, resilient, emotionally intelligent and somehow not remotely affected by any of it.
Which, frankly, is a ridiculous ask.
A woman I worked with once said, “I feel like I’m everyone’s shock absorber.”
That line has stayed with me because it’s so often true.
The core insight here is simple:
You are not exhausted because you’re doing leadership badly.
You’re exhausted because you’re carrying parts of leadership that nobody names.
And unnamed things are much harder to manage.
What helps when the load is getting too heavy
You do not need to become tougher.
You need more support, more honesty, and better ways to put the load down.
A few places to start:
- Name what you’re actually carrying. Not just tasks. Emotional responsibility, unspoken tension, constant decision-making, being the one who holds it together.
- Stop using exhaustion as proof you’re doing enough. I say this with love because I see it a lot. Many high-achieving women have been praised for coping for so long that burnout starts to feel weirdly familiar.
- Create one place where you don’t have to perform. A coach, a trusted peer, a proper thinking space. Somewhere you can say, “Actually, I’m not fine,” without managing someone else’s reaction.
- Reduce unnecessary decisions. Tiny changes help. Batch what you can. Delay what isn’t urgent. Stop treating every request like it deserves immediate access to your brain.
- Ask better questions. Instead of “Why can’t I handle this better?” try “What am I carrying that was never meant to be carried alone?”
That shift matters.
A quieter way to lead
I’m not interested in helping women become shinier, tougher versions of themselves.
I’m interested in helping them lead well without disappearing under the weight of it.
Because leadership was never supposed to mean becoming the emotional container for everyone else while quietly leaking energy yourself.
If this feels a bit too close to home, you’re very welcome to book a coffee chat.
No big pitch. No awkward hard sell.
Just space to talk honestly about what you’re carrying and whether there’s a lighter way forward.
You do not have to keep being the strong one for everyone, all by yourself.
With fierce belief in you,
